Where would I be…

I’m answering all these get to know you papers about my likes, hobbies and goals and I wonder where would I be if I weren’t here right now. One of the questions I answered today was about my educational history beginning with college. It surprised me how many different directions my mind has traveled since I’ve graduated college. Of course I shouldn’t be surprised seeing as I’m the one that made those decisions to get me to where I need to be, but I think back to when I got my college diploma and there was no way someone would have convinced me that I would be in seminary, let alone getting my master’s degree in Theology. Right now I’m thinking, “how the heck did I get here”. 

I wonder if that’s what the disciples thought when they were in the Upper Room experiencing for the first time the rushing wind of the Holy Spirit. If Peter or Andrew were wondering where they would be if they had continued fishing that day Jesus came to them. If Peter wondered that after he denied Jesus. If Andrew wondered that after the disciples began to make their separate ways. 

I can honestly look back and remember every decision I made to get to where I am, and I can’t even fathom making a different choice. I know that where I’m at now is where God has lead me to. I have seen Him open doors at every cross road. 

Where would I be if I were not in seminary right now?

Where would I be if I had walked away from God?

I don’t know where I would have been, but I do know that it’s not where I would’ve belonged. Where I am at now, on this day, at this point in time is exactly where I need to be.

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New Year…New me???

Often when one thinks about new year resolution, people will tend to focus on the outside. We want to lose weight, get a new style, change eating habits, or shopping habits. Things that reflect the physical. Yes those are all things that I personally need to work on, but perhaps more importantly the changes that have occurred in my personality are what worries me the most. I find myself getting irritated more, less motivated to do things. I am short with people around me, not as positive as I used to be, I smile less. Things that used to make up a huge part of who I was is no longer there. I could blame burn out, or stress, or hormones but I think its something to do with my frame of mind. What has changed in the last couple of years that has caused this dramatic change. I miss it when people used to tell me that I was always smiling. I think this year instead of creating a new me, I think I’ll find out what happened to the old me. Once I figure it out I’m going to then take the bits and peices that I’m missing and create something that consist with a little bit of new and a whole lot of smiles 🙂 In order to do that, the following will be necessary;

I will write more

I will draw more

I will sing more

I will hug more

I will love deeper

I will pray more

I will read more

I will love stronger

I will speak bolder

I will listen to myself

I will reach out more

I will lend a hand

I will learn to say no in a nice way

I will love myself