I have not “blogged” in years. While I have written the occasional poem now and then, I feel like there are more words that need to be expressed. Thanks to a
@TinteroProject on twitter I became aware of people requesting Haiku poems regarding what was happening in Houston. Reading the poems on there ignited the desire to write. I was able to send a couple of haiku’s via twitter, but that wasn’t enough. I felt I needed an outlet. To let out more.
Today was a day full of melancholy. I felt anxious. I felt confused. I felt sad
I could not quite place why I was struggling with so much emotion. Then I remembered. Last night was the first time I cried. Through this last week it was as if I was in “survivor” mode. Waiting to see what would happen, being ready for whatever. Anticipating the worst news. Preparing myself to be strong.
Yes finally my emotions finally reached their capacity. My body was telling me that I needed to process this. That there were a lot of emotions bottled up. But like always I chose not to listen. Then I cried and then today happened. I heard helicopters flying overhead. While I know now that they were news helicopters, at the time my only thought was “They are still rescuing people”. You see I live right behind/in front of Bear Creek Park and next to Clay Road. Both of which will be filled with water and inaccessible for months.
Like the rising waters around Houston, my emotions rose until they finally overflowed.
Grief rose inside me. Grief over the thousands that lost their homes, and especially those who lost their lives.
Helplessness rose inside me. Helplessness in that I wish I could be everywhere at once. So many calls for help, and yet I had no one to help.
Finally at the end of the day…
Love rose inside me. Love for the people who were able to sacrifice their well being to ensure others were saved. Love for those who have rallied to volunteer, donate, and help their neighbors. Love for my friends and family who checked in on me and who showed that they cared. And then…
Gratitude rose inside me. Gratitude for the millions of lives that have been saved. Gratitude for the endless giving that our community has demonstrated. Gratitude for knowing that this city is not alone. Gratitude for laughter. Gratitude for hope. The hope in knowing that today is over, and tomorrow brings more sunshine.
And while there are countless things to be grateful for, I am most grateful is for my Creator. When I am quietly reflecting in my room, it is He who reminds me that I am made to be used by him. Whether that’s to give away a bottle of water, or tear down some sheet rock. He reminds me that once I release grief and helplessness from my body, I can fill that space with love and gratitude.